Some people can be so insensitive, spiteful, or even cruel. Whatever the reasons, it’s particularly hurtful if petty and critical statements come from someone such as a family member that you are close to.
Often, the person who makes critical statements for no apparent reason is either insecure or is in the habit of behaving in this manner without having anyone point out their obnoxious behavior.
In transactions with a person like this, there are actions you can take to improve the situation. For purposes of an immediate action, let’s consider two different approaches.
Your usual response is no response. If you are the kind of person who is more likely to keep your hurt feelings to yourself and not say anything back because you don’t want to be unkind yourself, try one of these:
- Ask, “What did you say?” Be sure to ask this question as though you didn’t hear the other person’s hurtful statement. When asked to repeat the offensive statement, many people will not repeat it. When they are forced to think about what they just said, they may become aware of how bad it sounds, and to repeat the statement would seem ridiculous.
- Look at him or her with a blank stare. This has somewhat the same effect as asking to repeat the statement. The blank stare causes them to think about what they just said that would cause you to look at them this way.
- Agree with them. They say you are stupid. You say, “You’re probably right.” They are not used to having you agree with their hurtful statements. Naturally, they start to wonder what is happening to make you act so differently.
Your usual response is to say something back. If you usually can’t help but say something back, try to resist the temptation to participate in the same kind of mean-spirited statements as those being directed at you. Instead, try this:
- Say nothing. If the other person is accustomed to engaging you easily in unpleasant banter, this will throw them off.
-
Try any of the ideas in the section above. A response that is different from your usual response can make a difference.
More often than not, when you change how you respond to someone, they may be disturbed by the change in your behavior. In that case, they may try even harder to get you to behave in your usual way. Be persistent in your efforts to change the situation with that person. Eventually, they will reduce or even stop the negative talk when they realize that you think enough of yourself to expect to be treated better.
Copyright 2007 Carol Stewart and Licensors. All rights reserved.
1) What do you do when your partner who adores you seems to be constantly angry at you and won’t act right towards you nor will they show the affection they did earlier in the year. or, make love to you as they once did.
2) What can you do when a partner who has grown in the faith seems to have a hard time kicking old habits.
To answer to that question Carol,
some people live very stressful lives, and other people don’t seem to understand this,and they put more stress on the relationship and become cold and indifferent towards you, over things not pertaining to you.
Sometimes things are caused by people’s upbringing, and their lives with others at one point or another, or they can’t be happy because they feel they are always missing out on something.
There are those people who are never happy no matter what, they always seem to have unfullfilled desires, and they take it out on other people because of this.
Bibleman, you are right. There are multiple reasons someone might act inconsiderate or mean, including all of the things you mention. And depression is always a likely possibility, as well.
So what do you do? If depression might be the problem, try to get them some help. But no matter what the reason, set some boundaries for yourself. You deserve respect no matter how the other person feels. Then do your best to love, love, love.
[...] 27th, 2007 by irisblue Okay, okay. Maybe I came across a little too harshly in my post, “Is He Inconsiderate Or Just Plain Mean?“ (May 4, 2007). It’s just that sometimes, we have to take deliberate action to change [...]